If I Could Help It, I Would

finally - a topic about something i am good at. thanks, kara.

when i was little, my mother constantly yelled at me when we arrived at destinations (the grocery store, the library, etc.) because i hadn't put my shoes on in the car.  i would promise to, but i would inevitably wait until we got there and she would stand outside the car impatiently as i slowly tied my laces.  as i got older, my mother bought me mountain dew to keep me up the night before an english paper was due.  and now, it is the seventh of the month, and i have yet to pay my bills.  where is my mother? retired in the mountains as she should be.  after all, i am thirty-four.

i don't blame my mother's enabling of my procrastinating tendencies for my persisting issues.  it is a default property in my brain, my natural way of being, and no matter how i try, i cannot help it.  it is how i operate.  but despite my acceptance of my weakness, it still causes constant frustration and chaos, loss of sleep, heart palpitations.  and lectures from non-procrastinating "do it now" people make me want to drill a hole in my head.  a. i know all that already.  b. say it til you're blue in the face, i'm still going to wind up paying a late fee.  c. you don't have the procrastinating gene, so shut the hell up.  

perhaps some research will yield some scientific evidence of my theory, and i can claim procrastination as a disability and get a silver medical bracelet that says, "procrastinator.  please call my mother."  until then, i will have to settle for the gratifying fact that my procrastination keeps the public library (and blockbuster, and FSU, and gilchrist elementary) in business.