Chicken Sweat Very Often!

kara chose jobs.

the events you are about to read about are absolutely true. they really happened. nothing has been embellished or exaggerated. i am a little embarrassed about this.

my father's partner in cardiology was john k. dr. k had a wife named carmen and a son named sean. oh, my dear, dear sean k. i began babysitting him when i was about twelve and he was nine. i think his parents were paying me to be his companion more than his caretaker, but i didn't mind - $7 an hour plus dinner was unheard of in 1986. when i consider the various jobs i have had over the years, this one is my favorite. i will highlight select adventures.

• he had a llasa apso named "cuddles" but he called her "sonia!" he had this squeaky, exaggerated voice when he did this that i so wish i could explain. like, "soooohnya!" once while on her back, he squealed, "sonia! i see your vaginia!" we once got out his camcorder and he put sonia in a chair. i sat next to her wearing a skeleton mask. he filmed us - my name was "skeletor's bride" and i was there to interview cuddles. when i asked her questions, sean would speak her answers from behind the camcorder. this exercise was complete with commercials. i sat on a stool with a guitar and sang the tune for doxidan (when nature needs a helping hand). sean was obsessed with a local weather guy named dick fletcher (danielle may know this guy!) and he gave weather reports. he would start, "hello, my name is diiick fletchah!" it was wild. he basically forced me into all of it, and although i secretly enjoyed it, i was MORTIFIED when he insisted on playing it for his parents when they got home. but, they did ask me back. what i wouldn't give for that tape now...

• he wrote a self-illustrated book called "Alfredo's Alphabet Pritz!" sean had recently discovered that "pritz" was the german (i think) word for fart. alfredo was the main character who went through the alphabet encountering different pritz situations. A was alfredo. B was "Blondie Butt - she pritzes with her lips open!" C - "Catfish Caper - you can see the image of a bucking horse in his pritz!" H was just a scribbled mess with the heading: "Henry! Not Now!" i'm telling you, this kid was priceless.

• i watched him a lot one summer during the day - we would walk to ponderosa and zayre, pushing a cart around, mocking their commercials... "notebook paper, notebook paper..."

• he got me hooked on mary poppins. we watched it OVER AND OVER. and sang all the lines.

• he had a little casio keyboard. one feature was that you could record up to four vocal sounds and replay them on four buttons. you could then do your own remix with the keyboard and the sounds/words. his four words: "chicken" "sweat" "very" "often" - remixed, it was like this: "ch-ch-ch-chicken, ch-ch-ch-chicken, sweat-sweat-sweat-sweat-sweat-sw-sw-sweat-sweat, very- very - v-v-very, oooooooften (he would slow this word down so it was low and drawn out).
  

this post in no way does justice to the most bizarre adventures i had with sean k. he was the greasiest, most obnoxious, yet wonderfully weird and creative person i've ever met. and his parents were straight-laced as they come. they paid me well - but i would have done it for free.

i googled sean k, thinking he is either a multi-millionaire creative wonder genius or in jail - turns out he is a life coach. go figure.