Ugly Baby No More!

this week's theme, chosen by danielle: reality makeover shows.

hmmm. i don't really watch any. i've seen extreme home makeover and pimp my ride a few times. while waiting for channel 61 to appear on the tv guide channel to see if law and order is coming on, i occasionally get sucked into look alike. my parents are hooked on dr. 90210, which, although i've never seen it, i find slightly disturbing.

i'd like to propose my own idea for a reality makeover show. i'd call it ugly baby no more! parents of really ugly babies would be counseled in the first segment to admit that, indeed, their baby is ugly. they must confess that the obnoxious lacy hair bows, baseball caps, pastel smocks, and over-sized pacifiers were fruitless attempts to mask the obvious - baby is ugly. then, a computer artist would take a picture of ugly baby and digitally age it to confirm that indeed, baby will only get uglier as he/she grows older, causing him/her and parents more distress. once the evidence is irrefutable, the surgeon enters with a magic marker.

of course the surgery is dangerous - it is a baby. but parents must weigh this against the possibility that baby will be made fun of, never get married, and possibly end up on a more humiliating program like the swan. the camera will be delicate as it shows baby getting liposuction, nose job, hair plugs, and lip implants. then, while baby is recovering, parents are taken to gymboree to pick out a new wardrobe for soon-to-be-cute baby. puke stained onesies and faded glory overalls are thrown into an incinerator with glee and tears.

in the end, baby goes home bandaged, confused, and scarred for life, but he/she will be much better looking. i imagine a follow-up show. it could be big.