Sometimes Life Just Sucks

two weeks ago, emma came home from school with an assignment. she had to pick an american historical figure and write a report. she picked "the unsinkable molly brown."

for the past week, she has been diligently preparing, taking copius notes, bugging me to help her on msword, and she has a polished 3 page paper, the result of her hard work and enthusiasm for the project. in addition to the paper, the students get to dress up as their historical figure and read their report to the class. that day is today.

last night, emma printed her report and beaming, read it aloud to me to practice. she found a plastic sheath to put it in so it would not get damaged. we found a great floor length black velvet and red chiffon dress in her closet (not sure where it came from), a string of pearls, and digging around in the garage, a black hat with a flower in it, just like molly brown wore in the pictures of her. i gave her a shakespeare book to carry. molly brown loved literature.

this morning at 6am, as i was sleeping on the couch, i heard footsteps on the stairs. emma came down crying, went into the bathroom, and puked her guts out.

why does this happen? certainly there are worse disappointments, but to an eight year old, this is big. all morning she has cried, angrily confronting me, she feels fine, why can't she go to school, she wants to see everyone else's costume. i want to look away, to run away, to not deal with her heartache. if i do, i cry. i have no words for her. it's school policy. it's not fair to the other kids. she'll get to make it up. maybe the teacher will take a picture. i'm so, so sorry.

really, it just f-ing sucks. i think the best thing for me to say is nothing. when she sees me cry, she gets it.