My Life as a Cell Phone

i want to customize my life like a cell phone plan.

here are the features i'd opt for:

• rollover minutes. all my wasted time, 5 minutes here, 2 hours there, would be compressed and carry over to the following day or month. i complain i have no time, but i seem to spend a lot of time doing nothing, then rush at the last minute to get something done. if i had rollover minutes, which were measured by lack of productivity, this would not be a problem.

• poor coverage. rather than wanting lots of bars, having too few would be convenient. then when i am talking to someone and wish to end the conversation, or i am called on in class and haven't done the reading, i can simply "drop" them. i'd just fall over or something. sorry, no coverage.

• free roaming. easy enough; the freedom to go where i want, when i want, with no penalty.

• the power to cause brain tumors. i don't really want to cause brain tumors. but it would be cool if there was a rumor that i did so people would be afraid of me.

• a plug-in charger. i'm not sure where it would plug in to, but it would be nice to get recharged in such a surefire way, not having to toss and turn and wonder how tired i will be the next day. this could also save the red pillow on my desk from acquiring excess drool.

• caller-id. but with people. i could see them coming and duck into the bathroom. if i wanted. (of course, if you're in my "in circle" i'd never use this option against you.)
  

• my own personalized ringtone. like, when i walk in a room, my own theme music plays. not sure if i'd stick with knight rider. maybe diff'rent strokes. or alltel's theme- come and get your love! (not that kind of love, silly)
  

these are the things i think about. now you know why my vic lit presentation today sucked arse.